I Almost Got Scammed Last Week

I got scammed last week. Well, I almost got scammed. I realized it was a scam before it was too late. Interesting story, because it was just a day before America got scammed. Because these two things happened so close together, and because I love you America, I want to show you what I did to keep from getting scammed.

What happened was I got an email from Mitchell & Ness Co. offering me the chance to interview for a job. A quick search showed that they produce and market nostalgic sports memorabilia, like jackets and jerseys. Abraham Klein, the talent acquisition manager explained they were looking for a poet to work on a campaign targeting nostalgia. They are going to do a big push with a large investment behind them, and figure a poet is part of the creative team needed. The job was full-time, remote, salaried, with benefits. They were sure a poet was the key to their vision.

To be clear, I am a poet, I don’t really have steady income (I’m primarily a home-maker, and very part-time gardener) and I recently updated my resume on Indeed.com as I am trying to find gigs here and there. I’ve also recently read a book, What Poetry Brings to Business, by Clare Morgan, about the intersection she sees between the work and process of poetry-making and appreciation with that of running a business, especially at the corporate level. I was ready to see how I could impact a corporation and a market of people with poetry. I was very intrigued.

But I was also well aware of the fact that this offer seemed too good to be true. Poets don’t get cold-called for corporate gigs with salaries and benefits. That’s just crazy. This is the first red flag I noticed, and then brushed aside. This is like when that man known primarily for being a headline chasing con-man who didn’t pay his bills and had inherited his wealth rode down an actual golden elevator to announce his candidacy for presidency saying that he was a good representative and leader for you, America. This is even before we knew he was a felon and sexual abuser, but still on its face, then, the idea of him knowing anything about what it’s like to be an American, while you might want it to be true, if you like golden escalators and bravado, is just ridiculous. That is an early red flag America saw and even talked about, and then brushed aside.

I agreed to have an interview, which happened quickly, a couple hours after responding to the email. I had done some research, learned who Mitchell & Ness Co was, made sure they were real. I made sure Abraham Klein was real, I found him online and it seemed legit. I could see how a Company that makes memorabilia type products could use a poet. I could see, maybe just the right people were in charge, maybe someone had read the right book, or met the right poet. I could see ways that this story was super believable.

Likewise, America, you could easily see how that bastard was as angry as you were about certain things. Things out of your control, but damn, he had answers. Simple answers that seem actually doable. And he waves the flag, those people who don’t like him, they’re never waving the flag. And he seems rich and super confident. Those are things you love, America. Rich, confident men. You could really see how he might actually address the things that make you so angry.

During my interview, which was done via skype IM contacting this address: live:.cid.e55aba9d814a348d, I was presented with engaging thoughtful questions that seemed entirely appropriate for the position. I said at one point, though, that I’d like to speak to someone on the phone, that I have questions not suitable for IM. I was given a number to call, and I spoke to Abraham. But he was far less engaging. In fact, instead of being enthusiastic and helpful, as he had been so far on IM and in emails, he now felt as though I were wasting his time. He answered my questions, satisfactorily, but he was distant and uninterested. My interview finished, and in IM Abraham told me how well I had done, and that I’d hear from him in the morning with their decision.

So here’s a bunch of red flags. The change in character. The quickness with which this corporation seems to want to move on a poet. The super generous salary and benefits including 401k with company match. A bonus check upon signing. A new laptop. All of this added up to, Too Good To Be True. But if I had a salary with benefits, my partner could work less, we could get new glasses…

Likewise America, not long after that artificially-tanned felon announced his candidacy, he began making promises about walls other countries would pay for and deals he would negotiate with other countries. No specifics, just the best deals because we should trust his business sense. In my story this is where I did research on the proposition, and applied some common sense thinking regarding the context of what was being offered. This America is where you really started to let yourself down. You didn’t do the basic research, nor trust your instincts and common sense. Well, actually you did, America, the free press of this country did a decent job of providing historical context to this proto-fascist and his immediate enablers, enough that anyone paying a bit of attention could see that this is a man who has no business running anything more complex than a dunk tank at a county fair. (Which I think he’s actually well suited for, and has missed his calling.) These red flags you chose to brush aside, America, when it was shown clearly and with evidence he has a history of business fraud, sexual abuse, and hateful violent language against people less privileged than he. You brushed them aside because he was so flattering to your grievance, rural America, White America, Highway 66 America, left behind America, everybody but me America, when do I get to be a victim America. You brushed aside the obvious red flag that while you work harder than you should have to for less than what you deserve, he has nothing that was not handed to him privilege, and has never seen what work even looks like, has never once in his life wondered which bill he has to ignore so he can feed his family. America you ignored that he is the very source of your grievance.

The following morning I was contacted early and told that the job was mine if I wanted it. By this time I’d enlisted a friend who’s more internet savvy than me to also do some digging on this company and on Abraham Klein. In other words I got a second opinion. I looked to more than just myself as my information source. Likewise America, you had the opportunity to use many media sources to learn about Dog Turd. Not only here in America where we have a history of great investigative journalism, but also overseas, the BBC, Sky, The Guardian. That’s only a few and only in English. But America, you chose to limit yourself to only the “news” you like. A couple of channels. You didn’t get a second opinion, you didn’t listen to family and friends, and you lost the ability to access common sense.

Back to my story, I was sent a letter of offer, which I went ahead and signed, and gave some basic personal info. I was now a corporate poet. I belonged. I had made it, as I told the interviewer, I’d been preparing for that interview for 35 years. I nailed it. And this is when I was given a W4 to fill out. And when my gut really turned somersaults. I did some last research, and I googled, “scams involving jobs for poets” and I got a reddit thread detailing exactly what I had been through thus far. The stories were the same, minus the company names and Abraham’s name. I didn’t proceed other than to make it clear, in a long and poetic way, that I was on to them. I never heard back.

And see this, America is also like what you have been through, and if you had done what I had done, you wouldn’t be scammed right now. With only a little bit of research into history you can clearly see how you have been though this once already. As Hitler rose to power in Europe, there was a homegrown American fascist movement involving a handful of the wealthiest men alive at the time. Henry Ford prime among them using vast riches and networks of technology to promote hate and violence against those more vulnerable. Like our own present day would-be-supergenius producing electric cars to promote todays fascist right. In the build-up to WWII America was split as it is today, and back then we chose the American way. Against fascism, we elected a president who leveraged America’s diversity with the New Deal and made this country into the leader of the free world. You had that same opportunity last week America. Especially you, American men. Since WWII American men have been glorifying the heroes of the Greatest Generation, rightly so, and dreaming of the day they themselves can prove they are strong and can protect the scarce beauty of American Democracy. For generations now, America you have waited for the opportunity to prove how strong and ready and capable you are, just like the heroes who fought the nazis. And when the moment came, and the actual fucking fascists arrived, you handed them the keys to the kingdom. You handed them the keys and said, have fun.

So you see, I didn’t get scammed, and I still have my bank accounts, bleak as that may be. But you did get scammed. Because you allowed yourself to get sweet-talked, because you didn’t do your research, because rather than use basic common sense, you believed what you wanted. Like I did for five minutes when I believed I was a corporate poet with a salary and benefits. So America, now that you’ve been scammed, what are you going to do? My money is on pretending like it didn’t happen. You’re really, really good at that.